Mondays SUCK!!

Kewl well it is the first day back, had a quiet weekend, life is good. The drama is over for now..I am hoping.. Man I feel bad for writing what I said in my last post, but oh well. I have been told there has been a change in schedule and he is now working the night shift, so I will probably will not see him for a while and since I am making him "uncomfortable" this is for the best. It is just so weird, because I sit back and think, did this really happen??? Oh well We are supposed to get tons of snow, rumor is over 100 cm, what will I do cooped up in my grandmother's house....ouch...I have my cell, so I guess I can just bug my friends and chat it up. I have become more confident in my new job search. There were times I was really hesitant to apply elsewhere because I am comfy in my job..well after 3 years it is the norm, I have my routine. I have an education and $35,000 in freakin student loan so it is time to move the fuck outta this call centre world. I love the ppl I met here, I just feel stuck and have to move out.

No real drama now...lol...I am just hoping this will be a good week..things always happen, but things happen all the time to everyone else. Starting to think this past week, was one of the biggest issues I had and felt the need to just type..I dont even think anyone reads this...and doesnt matter if anyone does read it...but anywho...this is just it, I will write soon

later days

WOW, Well I Finally Got My Closure!!!

well it is finalized, he is officially a jerk...well asshole is what I really want to call him. So get this I am talking to some friends trying to get some advice and so one tells me to send him an email to see what is going on and if he will write, this is 2 weeks since we chatted and thought what the fuck why not email see if he is respectful enough to reply. Here is the email:

What I Wrote:
hey there...I was wondering if you got the last email I sent you?? If not was wondering if maybe u and I can get together and talk...i have a couple things I would like to ask ya...let me know...
ttys

here is his reply: ( Give him red, since it is his favorite color..LOL)

I go the last email yes...as for getting together no....i dont feel there are any questions to answer or that should be answered.

..so I am like ok whatever, like I said we never talked in a while and Had no clue why he stopped talking to me...so I am like ok, what did I do to you...no response..than out of the blue I get this email:

I'm sorry I don't want to meet up with you, I don't want to hang out. You like me and want more, and I don't. It is making me very uncomfortable. Please stop e-mailing me. The questions you are asking others are none of your business.
I'm with someone and I'm not gonna do anything to put that in Jepardy.

ok so what the fuck??? I am asking questions?? Like what and to whom?? no one, just lies...this person is just crazy and is trying to make me look retarded so he doesnt realize how much of an ass he is. If You read earlier yes there was a time I was interested in him, but when we hung out I came to the realization that all I want is a friendship and nothing else..but whatever. So of course I replied back and here is what I said:

I am sorry you feel that I want a relationship with you. I do not, we discussed this once before. to be honest I know you are in a relationship and I felt that you have to much baggage for me to consider being in a relationship with you. This sounds like an assumption on your behalf, but this will be my last email to you. I am sorry, I really thought we could have been friends...that is why I was persistant with the email, because that is what I really wanted...someone to work on my computer and just hang with...but that is cool. Sorry to cause any problems.
Take Care

I am guessing he is going to warp that reply like everything else. I dont know, I just give up and dont care anymore, this is HIS problem, not mine and if he is going to be an asshole, well let him and we will see what happens in the end. I am glad he replied, atleast he was man enough to do that, but me emailing him makes him uncomfortable...my friend said, I should just go stand next to him and see how uncomfortable that makes him feel. Now I heard a long time ago that he was the kind of person who thinks that everyone wants to sleep with him. I thought well I will give him the benefit of the doubt and get to know him. Well was I wrong...anywho that is about it. I am glad that there is closure, I needed that, and it just shocks me that he turned...I would love to ask him what ppl were saying I was asking things about him. The only thing I did, was one day I had asked someone how many kids he had, she said that would be a question for him...so that was the end of it. I should go to the ex and share some of my thoughts about him and get some input..I am sure she would love that one...but I am not one to play dirty...so on that note, It is done and I am glad! So there...

later days

Had A Ball

Well had a nice weekend, found it flew by like crazy, but oh well that is the way they always are right?? Short and quick. Sat I just chilled, ended up going to the mall with my friend and just hung out, it was nice. Went to the mall and there were bands playing, there was an award show here on sunday and they were taking part in some annual thing, apparently this was the 8th year, but this is the first time I ever heard of it...lmao...but anywho we heard a band called Shaye. They are a band that sounded really good and as individual artists are fantastic. So kinda had plans to go drinking sat night, it was 7 and still never heard from the gals to go party with. So we were just driving around town, and heard another artist was playing in a local hall. So he was on Canadian Idol the first year and was the runner up, his name is Gary Beals, so of course he was my favorite artist and wanted to see him...problem, cost 15 bucks to see him...ah for someone who is poor...(like me this week)...but around 8 or so I got a call and the plans were on...going to head out to the bar and have some drinks...so after being upset with the cost of Gary Beals being so much..so what else is there to do? Cant go to the bar it is early...no one is at the bar before midnight, so we go play pool, went to Dooly's...just opened up and it is nice..ended up there for 2 hours...and it was nice, had some drinks went for a drive and ended up going out. I had a bit to drink and felt really good, had a lot to drink and ran into a lot of ppl who I work with. Stayed in my seat and gabbed away it was great, I had such a hard week and that is exactly what I needed, I dont think Tanya had a good time, but I dont know..she never told me she had a good time. But anywho I had a blast and that is all that matters I guess...lol...but anywho it is start of a whole new week, I am going to just forget about my worries and just do what ever. I am sure things will change next week..it may be a while...but that is about it for now...

I'ts OVER!!!!

Cool, well it is over. and I am glad, had reality smack me real freakin hard...and I am ok with it. Saw him today at lunch; went downstairs to grab a coke and we made eye contact and he just turned around, I am guessing he forgot something...so Im cool with it....out in the caf, I am leaving and see him and he just completely turned his head the other way. So if that isnt a sign I dont know what is. I just hope that I am strong enough not to fall back into the trap. Talking to ppl they are telling me that he is like that and that he is the kind of person who likes to use ppl. Dont know what he would use me for. But oh well. His freakin loss and not mine. Even the friendship I think is over and never really had a chance to get it started. I really wanted to watch all the episodes of Sex And The City..well that aint gonna happen unless I buy or rent them...My will power is shit, to be honest and I always want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but I sadly think this is over. See this AM when I did my first post I really felt like shit, now I am feeling a bit better. Tonight I am going to a friends place to hang out I think...if not I am renting movies...lmao...until next time...

I am not a drama queen, but lately I am sure feeling like one!! lol

Does It Ever End?

..Well nothing is changing, life is just crazy, I cannot sleep I cannot stop thinking and just having weird ass dreams. Right now I feel like I dont have anyone to talk to so I am choosing to write. Well still not talking to the other fella...it drives me nuts when ppl are silent and just wont talk. I dont know if he is purposely ignoring me or what. So it has been about 2 weeks since we talked and I finally got the nerve to call him and see what is going on. No answer, not sure if it was bad timing or he just didnt answer the phone. I dont know, I am just guessing he was busy. So I wont dwell on that. Man I sound so pathetic but I feel better writing about it. So next thing is to send an email..so I sent it this am, who knows what will happen, I know lunch is at 1pm and hopefully he will check his mail and write back to me. It was hard to write, asking him if things were ok and if he wanted me to just to back of indefinately and if he says yes as much as it hurts I will do so. I am just having a hard time here today at work and really dont want to be here. If he doesnt write back to me today I am assuming he does not want to even be friends, which is cool with me..I guess..lol...I cannot believe I am going on like this and why am I letting this get to me? I am confused...well this is it for the week, hopefully I will have a good weekend. I am going drinking on Sat and getting trashed...lol..lets see what happens. I will be in trouble if I see him out and I am drunk...ok well I will write monday

later days

Movies Can Make You Laugh!!..And Forget your Worries...for 1 hour and 38 min...lol

ok so valentines was cool, went to see Hitch...LOVED it and love Will Smith. It was exactly what the doctor ordered..ahahaha..just me and Tanya went out and it was cool, it has been a while since we last hung out and it was nice, got her up to date with my latest issues...lol..and I am sure she thought I was nuts, which I am, but that is cool..looking forward to possibly going drinking this weekend, with an old crew of ppl I used to work with, wholly crap. That should be nice, might have to go shopping to get a new shirt, not sure yet though I have some nice ones...i would rather spend my money on drinks...lol. I am having a good day, I have some friends who are experiencing some interesting things and it is nice to have their problems to think about so I can escape mine. Well I am sure this will all end soon...I am kinda sick of all the crap...I dont know what to say, had a nice valentines, having a long ass week at work, but other than that things are good. I cannot stop watching Felicity...I am beyond obsessed with it, what will I do when I watch Season 4?? i dont know..well it is time to go home so I will write again soon

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!



ok well it has been over a week since last post, things are still insane. Have been getting some great advice from someone I work with and really respect. Nice to get another woman's opinion about things that have been in relationships and have learned some interesting things...as u can tell Im having troubles with a friend who is a guy and it is just retarted, I dont even know where to start. We just started out talking as friends and got closer and just hung out, no strings or nothing attached, which was cool. At first I thought about the possibility of being more than friends and one day on messenger we both just chatted and agreed we were not ready to start a relationship, well he told me he is not interested and my doubts kind of helped me agree with that wise decision...so its like ever since we had that chat he is just ignoring me or being rude, I dont know, the last post was me pissed...obviously because I HATE when ppl give me the silent treatment for no reason at all, If I did something than yes I can understand it, but I did NOTHING. I dont think he wanted a relationship, which is cool but why the cold shoulder, why when he sees me in the hallway does he just put the ol head down and pretend he doesnt see me. He has no worries of me jumping his bones everytime I see him...ROTFLMFAO...so I am in a state of confusion, do I send him a nasty gram and ask WTF?? or just leave it....
...here is the latest advice, I have found out that he likes to control situations and maybe this is his way of realizing he cannot control me and he doesnt like it, ah hello who in their right mind wants to be controlled??? not me!! But last time we chatted he told me that he is just not in the hanging out mode because his schedule is all crazy..crazy??? the boy is working 9-6 with weekends off for 17 days?? ah hello...i dont know, thinking that might be a sign to stay away, I just liked hanging with him and it was a new crew of ppl and wanted to do something different with myself. But on the other hand ppl are telling me not to take it to seriously he is known to be moody and when he finishes training he could be back to the sweet person that I loved hanging out with. I wonder though if I have sucker written accross my face??? The other thing is I know he has a friend with benefits, which just about everyone but me has and I am wondering if maybe i should find someone...ummm not sure I can do that...lol...well I dont know...I think what I am gonna do is the same thing I am doing now, nothing, pretend life is peachy...but it drives me nuts when ppl are like that, ignoring me drives me batty...lol..and I know in the back of his mind he is just roaring at me...well that is an assumption, so I think I should stop because that just makes me look pathetic....oh my nerves...almost time to go, it is valentines day and I am just gonna chill and maybe see a movie...

later days

ok so I'm frustrated today...ever get sick of it all and just want to give up and tell everyone to fuck off?? Well I am there right now. I dont understand why ppl wouldnt tell you what they really feel instead just either avoid you or get someone to get things rolling. If you dont want to be friends with me I am cool like that I am an adult dont treat me like a fucking child, be an adult and just tell me what the deal is. Seriously...I wont cry and wont go screaming home to my mommy, I will just move on with my life, there are more friends out there...ok i am in shock I think my world is crashing down, how many times can u get hit in the head with shit???? I made plans with ppl and now all of a sudden everyone is breaking them...I dont get it...i think there is a black cloud over me...must be something I did, I guess I am a fucked up person...but what is going on?? Do I just call ppl out on their shit or let it go?? I think I will let it go, there are times when things get better for you and you move on, take last week for example, I was having a great week, life at the gym was great and was getting closer with new friends, I dont know, Im so confused, this blog is pointless...I have nothing else to say...hope things get better next time I post....