Ok Wow, I can't believe it has been 3 years almost since I last posted. Geez how my life has changed in that time frame. I didn't win the lotto, but it is insane.
The friends I talk about in my posts, I don't talk to anymore, the guy I was talking about is now married, and no not to me! Thank FUCK..lol...

Last time I wrote this I was working at a call centre, it was just before I got promoted and boy do I wish I never accepted that job. It was a great learning experience, but what happened to me was just wromg. When I think about where I am today, I am glad. But I just wish it wasn't nasty.

As always I am still having man troubles, serioulsy I think I attract assholes. I let people walk over me, treat me like crap but yet love them to death. Today I am working in a great industry and making wonderful contacts, and pretty good money. I am not living at home, in fact I have moved over 5000 km away from home.

What is bothering me the most is my man...well I think he is my man. We have been together off and on for the past year and it has been the most insane relationship ever. When we first started we were just friends with benefits, and I never had a relationship like that before and it was good. Random sex with a good looking guy was awesome for me. Especially since I was moving away, I thought I wouldn't get attached to him. Yeah...well we both agreed not to, but that didn't happen. He changed my outlook on things and he truly cared for me and did not want to let me go. If I could have only met him a while ago, than I wouldn't have left. But when I think about where we are now, it makes me sad.

Since I came out here, we kind of drifted apart, I always knew a long distant relationship would never last, but I really had strong feelings for him and he felt the same. So after a while we lost contact and would go weeks and even months without talking. He would text me or call me and tell me he wanted me to move home and we would be together. He admitted to sleeping with someone else while we were supposed to be together and I knew it, but it took him forever to admit it to me. Of course I felt betrayed and still do. I honestly felt bad about him not being with anyone so I kinda expected it. It was so weird because we talked about having babies and everything..eek!

So today we are even more distant, part of me thinks I need to finally get him out of my head and heart, but there is something about him that I just can't let go of. I really do love him, so much that it makes me mad. He treats me like crap, and even just recently called me a pig and told me to stay out of his life. So ya...he used the ol Im drunk excuse and don't remember saying it, sooo sorry and blah blah blah. I accepted his apology,but to be honest I can't forgive him. I don't even know if I can. We have this connection that is hard to explain, but I need him to change or for me to move on.

So here is the shittier part of things...I have met someone new and I don't know if I can really commit myself to him because of the other guy. If I compare the two, than I should get rid of the old and commit to the new. I dont like being treated like shit, but I want him. Everyone hates him, my family and friends. But I can't help it. Serioulsy I think I need help! Where is Dr Phil.

I am sure my blog makes NO sense, but hey that is how I am thinking: randomly!

Writing is theraputic, and I will be back for sure!

later days...